


I'm Not Really Here.

by sonicsandspoilers



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oneshot, Sadness, Yowzah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 16:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2117388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicsandspoilers/pseuds/sonicsandspoilers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sad oneshot bc feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Really Here.

The Doctor was in a great mood, he wasn't sure why.  
He jumped into the TARDIS console room, giggling and almost tripping over everything all the way to his wonderful wife.  
He kisses her lovingly, the way a space god is supposed to love his space goddess.  
The way a Lord is supposed to love his queen.

"Professor River Song, where would you like to go today? Barcelona? How about the Garden of Eden? Lovely place, although, I suggest be careful of the snakes. And also, don't eat the fruit. Bad consequences... really don't wanna go that road again." He started flipping the switches, like flying the TARDIS was a game he loved to play.  
But River was silent, not flirty or fun, and it was worrying him.

"River?" He peeks around the console hoping she is not mad at him.  
No, she's not mad. She's looking down, her lips in a straight smile, and her eyes are holding the saddest, emptiest gaze he'd ever seen. His hearts are breaking, and she's not even bothering to hide it. 

"Dear, what's the matter? Have I done something wrong?" 

She turned to him, eyes watery, shining in the TARDIS's golden glow.  
"It's not you dear. But don't you see that all of this is so wrong?"

"I'm sorry?" 

"Darling, this isn't real."  
"Of course it's real! You're my wife!" He laughs softly, but it fails on him when a tear slides down River's cheek.

"Sweetie, you're dreaming. And you need to wake up now."

He kisses her and doesn't let go of her hands when he pulls back. "I'm not dreaming."

"Yes you are, you're sleeping and dreaming this whole thing up. The telepathic link between you and the Library data core has been able to project my living consciousness into your dreams... It won't last any longer than a few minutes. I was never here in the first place."

"No! No River! You're always here to me."

"I'm sorry my love," she says, her voice faltering, "You have to wake up, you have to let go." 

Her projection starts to fade, and his surroundings are becoming clearer. 

He starts crying, he doesn't want to believe it was a dream.

"But you're real! River please! You're my wife, I need you!"

"And I you, my love. Goodbye Doctor. Goodbye, sweetie."

Her projection fades completely, and the Doctor screams with great anger and grief, before whispering an, "I love you," to a now empty space.

The Doctor gasps, and he gets up.  
As he begins to understand where he is, he realizes it was a dream.  
He sobs for several minutes, because he remembered he lost his wife so long ago to a Doctor who didn't know her at all, didn't love her with all his hearts.  
He knows it wasn't a dream for River. It was real for her, but she knew it wasn't real for him.

He imagines her in the data core, breaking down because they can't be together. Both of them living in hopes of being reunited, that force of their love stronger than anything the Doctor had ever known. And he just sits there, wanting to feel nothing, but feeling everything at the same time. 

He asks the TARDIS to show him River and her holograph shows. The TARDIS makes her own noise of sadness, feeling what the Doctor feels. He gets up and he responds, "I know, I know," while running his thumb over her cheek, placing a final kiss on it before her image flickers. He types in the coordinates on his TARDIS to an unknown location, where another adventure surely awaits him, knowing he must move forth, not admitting he'd prefer adventures with his wife at his side. Because it did not need admitting, the universe already knew. She already knew; River always knew.

**Author's Note:**

> :"(
> 
> This isn't a completely original idea. I got it from a Doctor/Donna fic, but I do not remember the author!   
> I just liked this idea and made it into my own. Hope you enjoyed it and didn't cry too much!


End file.
